1
00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:02,960

Gorgeous Georgians

2
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,400

Vile Victorians

3
00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:05,720

Ferocious Fights

4
00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:07,120

Daring Knights

5
00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:08,480


6
00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:09,720

Awful Egyptians

7
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:10,760


8
00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:12,680

Punishment from ancient times

9
00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:13,960

rank and ruthless

10
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,360

fearsome, toothless

11
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:16,760


12
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,320


13
00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:20,480


14
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:23,440


15
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:26,200


16
00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:31,320


17
00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:36,720
Horrible Histories
presents hair-raising holidays.

18
00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:42,160
Ah, who doesn't love going
on their holibobs by the sea?

19
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:45,640
I adore a trip to the beach
with my family

20
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,080
and King George the Third
was the same.

21
00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:52,080
He especially loved holidaying in
the British seaside town of Weymouth,

22
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:56,280
although his family were
slightly less keen on the trips.

23
00:00:56,320 --> 00:01:01,120
Oh, no. This happens every time.
My hair is not a nest.

24
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:06,840
Family on tour. So excited.

25
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,960
OK, Dad, tell us where we are.

26
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,840
Oh, well, we are in Dorset
on a royal family holiday,

27
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,040
going to the best town ever.

28
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:17,280
What could be better, girls,
than going to Weymouth?

29
00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:21,320
Uh, not going to Weymouth.
That would be better.

30
00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:24,800
Weymouth is more dull and stupid
than I can find words to express.

31
00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:27,960
You're the King, Father.
We could literally go anywhere.

32
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:32,840
I know, which is why we're doing
a special surprise stop on the way.

33
00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:35,840
It better not be a farm.
(HORSE NEIGHS)

34
00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:39,840
Oh, hello, piggies.

35
00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:46,600
Isn't it great? I love farms.
Can't believe you're my sister.

36
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,000
Oh, I stepped in something. Oh!

37
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,120
Did you like the farm?

38
00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:54,640
Now I'm bored and I smell of cows.

39
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:59,840
Right, girls, let's do a bit
of Weymouth shopping, shall we?

40
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:02,080
Shop till we drop.
That'll cheer you up.

41
00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,880
It's 5:30 in the morning, Daddy.

42
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:07,520
I know, that's why I had my favourite
shop, Delamotte, opened specially.

43
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,960
He's the shopkeeper.
Loves getting up at 5am.

44
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,200
This holiday is almost as bad
as last year's.

45
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:17,840
In fact, it is as bad.
It's the same exact holiday again.

46
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,200
Although,
I guess last year's was a bit worse

47
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:21,680
because we had to go on a boat trip.

48
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,000
Boat trip!

49
00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:26,360
Wave back.

50
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:31,360
I've got nothing left in me
to throw up.

51
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,920
It's all the excitement
of being on a boat. She's loving it.

52
00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:44,880
I think it's safe to say
that was a huge success.

53
00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:48,320
Please, Father, we're so miserable.

54
00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:51,640
Fine, I give up. Never again.

55
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,920
Really, father? Thank you.
Brush your teeth first.

56
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,440
Now we can find somewhere else
to holiday, finally.

57
00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:59,200
Oh, no, I meant we'll never do
the boat trip again.

58
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:00,880
We'll definitely come back
to Weymouth.

59
00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:06,400
Yay!
Weymouth is cool.

60
00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:08,280
Hello, holidaymakers!

61
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:11,760
Queen Victoria here,
Queen of Great Britain and Ireland,

62
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:15,960
Empress of India, and massive fan
of going on holibobs.

63
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,760
In addition to ruling
and having lots of children,

64
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,400
I did like to be beside the seaside.

65
00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:24,840
I was a particularly big fan
of going wading in the sea.

66
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:26,960
My husband Albie even persuaded me

67
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,960
that the salty water was good
for my health.

68
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,600
But tell me, what special bit
of equipment

69
00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:35,560
did I like to use
when I went to the sea?

70
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:36,600
Was it:

71
00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:50,440
The answer was B,

72
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:55,240
a big shed on wheels called
a bathing machine like this one.

73
00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:58,240
It would be wheeled into the sea
with me inside it,

74
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,120
so then I could get out into
the water

75
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:04,400
without prying eyes watching me,
and splash around a bit.

76
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,560
And let me tell you,
this ride was pimped.

77
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:09,160
It's got a changing room in there

78
00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:12,600
and curtains that go around the front
so I couldn't be seen.

79
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:17,040
And there's even a royal
working toilet inside.

80
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:21,000
I might be the queen,
but I do not royal wee in the sea,

81
00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:23,560
unless it's an emergency.

82
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,760
Excuse me, monarch on the move.

83
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:39,520
Agatha? Agatha, that can't be you.

84
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:43,760
John, what brings you to Hawaii?
You, Agatha!

85
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,960
I publish your books,
and we're expecting another one.

86
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,360
I did not expect to find you,
Agatha Christie,

87
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,640
detective writer on a beach in a...

88
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:54,200
It's a bathing suit, John.
Whatever it is, it's not a book.

89
00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:56,960
And that's what we need.
People need more Poirot.

90
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,680
I've been trying to get
a hold of you for weeks.

91
00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:01,960
Well, you've caught me red handed.
Why are you even here?

92
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,440
Because of that
little lady over there, Jonathan.

93
00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,560
I can't see anyone.
Is it Miss Marple?

94
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,200
The sea, John.
Do you know what this is?

95
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,960
Uh, an insole for a very big shoe.

96
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,240
It's a surfboard, John.
I've been learning to surf.

97
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,720
So, what are you now, a surfer?

98
00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:19,800
Can we at least fix a typewriter
on this thing?

99
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,320
I'm still a groundbreaking
crime novelist, John.

100
00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:26,600
I've just discovered a totally
epic new hobby while on my vacation.

101
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:31,280
Well, you know what would be
totally epic, Agatha? A new book.

102
00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:34,600
I do have a new idea for a book.
Oh, great.

103
00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:37,200
It's about a British prince...
Terrific.

104
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:38,960
..who gets murdered...
Intriguing.

105
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,760
..while surfing in Hawaii.
Oh, that's ridiculous.

106
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,760
People simply won't
take you seriously

107
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:47,960
if you keep telling tales
about surfing princes.

108
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,840
Edward! John,
have you met the Prince of Wales?

109
00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:56,080
What in...
Hail, your wonderful majesty.

110
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:59,280
Chill, bro.
Oh, it's awesome out there, Agatha.

111
00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:00,520
I just stood up on the board.

112
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,160
I think I'm the first British dude
to do it.

113
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,320
Check this out.

114
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,640
Woo, woo!

115
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:08,800
Later, bro.

116
00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:12,440
Tell me more about this royal
murder story then. How does it start?

117
00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:15,640
Well, the prince is in the water
and there may be a shark.

118
00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:16,920
It's a great first chapter.

119
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,240
No, no, no, the prince is in
the water and there may be a shark.

120
00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:21,120
Your Royal Highness, watch out!

121
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:26,240
It's true!

122
00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:30,840
Famous crime writer Agatha Christie
really did get hooked on surfing.

123
00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:33,600
And her surfboard really
was called Fred.

124
00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,960
When I go abroad on my hols,

125
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:41,200
as well as souvenir hunting
in their exotic bins and sewers,

126
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:43,120
I love a bit of sightseeing.

127
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:45,160
And people in the past did, too.

128
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:50,080
Alexander the Great once actually
took a break from waging a war

129
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:53,040
so he could go
and visit the tomb of his hero,

130
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,760
the legendary Greek warrior
Achilles.

131
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,640
Oh, they're emptying the bins.
Gotta get a snap.

132
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,200
Hail, fair Alexander.

133
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:07,960
Welcome to the ruins
of ancient Troy.

134
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,080
Thanks, buddy.

135
00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,040
We're actually on our way to attack
the Persian Empire,

136
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:14,000
but, uh, we, uh, couldn't resist a
little holiday in Troy on the way.

137
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,920
All war and no play makes
Alexander the Great

138
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:19,640
a dull and yet still strangely
awesome emperor.

139
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:23,160
Well, let me be your tour guide
to this historic ruin.

140
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,280
All I ask is the honour
of your company.

141
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,200
And also a large bag of coins.

142
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,080
Right, what do you wanna see?

143
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,560
Show me the resting
place of Achilles,

144
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:35,960
the greatest of the Greek warriors
and hero of the Trojan War.

145
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:40,200
Behold the tomb of Achilles.
Oh, it's right there, bro.

146
00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:43,000
Eee, I can't believe
I'm stood right in front

147
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:44,920
of the actual tomb of Achilles.

148
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:48,360
Hephaestion, look.
Yeah, I'm looking. It's great, bro.

149
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:49,920
You really like Achilles?

150
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:51,600
Oh, yeah. Yeah, a massive fan.

151
00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:54,360
I even sleep with a dagger
under my pillow, just like he did.

152
00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:57,560
You know, I always tell Hephaestion
if I have an Achilles heel

153
00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:00,560
it's probably how much
I love Achilles.

154
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:01,920
Yeah, he's always saying that, bro.

155
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,960
Always good to meet someone
who respects the legends of Troy.

156
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,000
Just a bit.

157
00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:08,800
Might have to pour a load
of oil over the tomb in tribute.

158
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,640
Whoa, there he goes.

159
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:13,000
Probably don't need that much oil.
You know what?

160
00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:15,880
Gonna crown it in garlands, too.
Garlands and oil.

161
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,760
Do we have to spend all day
at the tomb of Achilles, bro?

162
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:22,360
Uh, yeah. In fact,
I'm gonna run around it naked.

163
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,840
Race you, Hephaestion.
Does he do this a lot?

164
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:28,280
Yeah, you better join in.
Otherwise, he gets a bit grumpy.

165
00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:30,280
Watch out for the oil.
Whoa!

166
00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:31,400
(THUD!)

167
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:33,880
Ha!

168
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,960
Who wants to go and look at famous
landmarks when you can look at me?

169
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:40,560
Yes, when I, the great
Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte,

170
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,040
was captured at Waterloo,

171
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:46,080
the impressive sights
the people travelled to see was me.

172
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:50,280
And I don't blame them.
I am a rather handsome chap.

173
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:53,560
Go on, treat yourself
to an imperial pleasure.

174
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:59,320
It's 1815 and thousands of people
have gathered

175
00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:02,200
in hundreds of small boats
to catch a glimpse

176
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:05,720
of the captured French Emperor
Napoleon.

177
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:08,040
Welcome to Goggleboats.

178
00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:11,080
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

179
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,920
Hello, Bonnie.
Oh, he looks smashing.

180
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:18,960
Totally worth travelling
all the way from Glasgow.

181
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,480
Oh, totally.

182
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,280
I do like a man in uniform?

183
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,680
Do you like a man who's been
fighting Britain

184
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,400
for the last 23 years?

185
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:27,840
If he's in uniform, yeah.

186
00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:34,240
I mean, it's good, but I wish
something had actually happened.

187
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,960
Look, Napoleon took his hat off.

188
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,400
Well, that made it worth travelling
400 miles. Can we go home now?

189
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:46,840
(ALL BOO)

190
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:48,960
(ALL CHEER)

191
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,000
Yes.
Yes.

192
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,040
(ALTERNATING BOOS AND CHEERS)

193
00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:00,960
Oh, take a bow, son. Take a bow.

194
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,240
The British, they're easily amused,
no?

195
00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:08,320
Yep. There is no nation as foolish
as we are.

196
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:14,600
So, uh, is he Napoleon? He's wearing
a bicorne hat, isn't he?

197
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:15,640
With a two point?

198
00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:17,280
Yeah, the three points
is a tricorne.

199
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:21,440
Do you reckon if he got one point
that makes him a unicorn?

200
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,520
(MEN SING FRENCH NATIONAL ANTHEM)

201
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:29,040
Oh, they're singing him
his national anthem.

202
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,840
Well, those aren't the words
to the national anthem.

203
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:36,880
No, Mum, they're singing him the
French national anthem in French.

204
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:39,280
Why?
'Cause he's... Never mind.

205
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:41,040
What's he doing here anyway?

206
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:42,600
He's been captured by
the Royal Navy,

207
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,160
and he's being kept here
until he gets moved to a prison

208
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:46,880
on a tropical island
in the middle of the Atlantic,

209
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:48,240
where he'll be
for the rest of his life.

210
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,840
Oh, tropical island. Oh.

211
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:55,040
If I knew that was the punishment I
would've invaded Holland years ago.

212
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:57,880
Ha ha!

213
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:07,040
Well, I'm not sure sitting watching
that little French fellow

214
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:10,680
waving his hat all day
really floats my holiday boat.

215
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:14,480
Oh, gusty. I've always got problems
with wind one way or the other.

216
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:15,880
(SQUEAKY FART)

217
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:19,320
(LAUGHS) Maybe you've been abroad
for a holiday.

218
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,200
Well, in the past,
that was something that

219
00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:24,560
only very rich and powerful people
could afford to do.

220
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:30,200
In the 17th century, wealthy people
went on trips called Grand Tours.

221
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,440
I don't think you'd be getting much
rest and relaxation with this lot.

222
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,360
Every year, young lords from England
set off across Europe

223
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:41,840
to learn about
Greek and Roman classic history,

224
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:45,080
and they don't
always behave themselves.

225
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:46,480
Lords on tour!

226
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:51,760
Welcome to:

227
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:53,120
I'm the bear leader.

228
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,880
It's my job to ensure these young...
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) ..gentlemen

229
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:59,200
have a educational
and enriching time.

230
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,000
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Give us a kiss, bear leader!

231
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,000
Please put that back.
That is a priceless artefact.

232
00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:04,080
(CRASH!)

233
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,240
(ALL LAUGH)
Oh, it was so old.

234
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:11,160
Made a bit of a mess. Priceless!
We're having a smashing time.

235
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:16,480
The tour is a cultural experience
for the young lords.

236
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:20,080
James Cecil,
sixth Earl of Salisbury,

237
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,400
King's cousin and wealthiest man
in Shropshire.

238
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:23,880
And I'm here to explore

239
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:27,200
the philosophies
and sights of the ancient past.

240
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:29,200
And...to party!

241
00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:34,240
No, no, no!
I'll be careful.

242
00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,160
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm having the time of my life.

243
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:37,240
We're going to the beach.

244
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:42,080
I've spent so much money.
3,000 pounds. Is that a lot?

245
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,960
The whole point of
the Grand Tour is like,

246
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,560
it's a kind of finishing school
for landed gentry.

247
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:49,680
You know what I'm saying?

248
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:52,160
We get to see all the places
we studied in real life,

249
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:57,960
like Florence, Constantinople,
Rome, the... (BURPS) ..Balkans.

250
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:03,240
Yeah, we started in the Alps,
climbing. It's actually quite tough.

251
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:04,560
No, no, no, not for me.

252
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,760
I got one of the locals
to carry me up in a chair.

253
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,080
(ALL LAUGH)

254
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:11,640
Some people get very upset
with the young lords' behaviour.

255
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,520
No, no, no.

256
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,360
The folly of British boys
has gained us

257
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,800
the title Golden Asses
all over Italy.

258
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:25,920
Next week the tour moves to Athens,
where the boys study Pythagoras,

259
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,200
and Lord Cecil is sick on
the Parthenon.

260
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:38,560
Yo, yo, yo,
it's your boy Ibn Battuta here,

261
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,320
international traveller
extraordinaire.

262
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,160
Follow me as I go on the Haj.

263
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:48,720
That's an Islamic holy pilgrimage
to Saudi Arabia.

264
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:51,280
Next stop, Mecca. Boy!

265
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:59,320
Yo! I'm in India. Whoa!
I did go to Mecca.

266
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,480
But then I love travelling so much,
I just kept on going.

267
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:02,760
Oh, and guess what?

268
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:06,720
The Sultan of India's only hired me
as his ambassador.

269
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:10,600
Best holiday ever!

270
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:13,920
The Sultan of India is sending me
to China. I can't wait.

271
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,080
Bandits are coming!
Run for your life!

272
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:18,800
Hey?

273
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,160
VOICEOVER:

274
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:24,960
I'm in a ditch, hiding from
the bandits. Worst holiday ever!

275
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,960
BANDIT: He's hiding in the ditch.

276
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,000
Probably shouldn't have shouted that
out. (WHISPERS) Worst holiday ever.

277
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,320
It's your boy Battuta here.

278
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,520
The bandits are keeping me prisoner
in a cave.

279
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,960
As caves go, it's a nice one,
but, uh!

280
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,880
I'm OK...I think.

281
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,760
A villager freed me. Yay!

282
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,840
All I had to do was give him
all my clothes.

283
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:48,880
But he let me keep my trousers.

284
00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:52,280
From now on, they are
officially my lucky trousers.

285
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:56,120
Yeah! Now onward to China.
Yeah, boy.

286
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:03,640
So on the way to China,
I stopped off at Ceylon. Say what?

287
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:07,480
Nothing but blue skies ahead
for your boy, Battuta.

288
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,320
Best holiday ever.

289
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,160
(THUNDER CRACKS)

290
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,760
I'm sure that'll blow over.

291
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:16,920
My ship got caught in a storm.

292
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:18,440
The others made a raft,

293
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,880
but they said there was
no room for your boy, Battuta.

294
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:25,160
So, you know, here I am
on a sinking ship.

295
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,560
Worst holiday ever.

296
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:39,440
Rescued!
A new ship and new friends.

297
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:43,120
Battuta's luck's in, boy.
Best holiday ev-

298
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,120
SHIPMATE: Pirates are coming.
Run for your lives.

299
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:46,640
Oh, come on!

300
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:53,200
The ship was robbed by pirates
and my clothes were stolen, again.

301
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:58,080
But it's not all doom and gloom.
I still got my lucky trousers!

302
00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:06,040
And I have travelled 75,000 miles,
so actually best holiday ever.

303
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:07,280
Ever, ever.

304
00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:12,520
Ah, what are we gonna do this summer?
Oh, probably nothing again.

305
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,440
Not if I have anything
to do with it.

306
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:15,480
Who are you?

307
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:20,760
Hi, I'm Thomas Cook, and I'm gonna
give you the trip of a lifetime.

308
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,480
Oh.
Oh, she's gone.

309
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,400
VOICEOVER:

310
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,400
In the first holiday of its kind,

311
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:31,600
I'm packaging together an incredible
trip for the whole family,

312
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:35,000
all the way
from Leicester to Loughborough.

313
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,120
Wait, did you say Loughborough?

314
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,600
Oh, Loughborough!

315
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:42,160
Uh, yeah.

316
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,160
That's only 11 miles away.
That's right.

317
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:48,240
A whole 11 miles
of luxury train travel.

318
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:49,800
Oh!
Whoa, whoa. Steady, mate.

319
00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:51,960
Are we going first class?
Well...

320
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,920
Second class?

321
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:57,800
One carriage of holidaymakers
will be going second class,

322
00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:59,520
the other nine
will be going third class.

323
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,680
Your very own seat on a train.

324
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:04,200
Probably.

325
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:09,600
And this trip is all inclusive, with
food provided at our destination.

326
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:12,520
Well, that actually sounds
quite good. What are we having?

327
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:16,680
A cup of tea and a ham sandwich.

328
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:17,960
So much for luxury.

329
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,560
We'll be giving out
free flags to wave,

330
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:25,880
and there'll be a band playing
to welcome you on your arrival.

331
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,880
It's a dream getaway.

332
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:32,720
It's a third-class train ticket,
a ham sandwich, and a cheap flag.

333
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,320
It doesn't really sound like
a holiday.

334
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:37,760
Look, there are no other package
holidays. This is the first one.

335
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,280
So it's literally just this
or stay at home.

336
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,280
Sign me up.
Yeah, me too.

337
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:45,880
Ah, thanks, guys.
Thomas Cook Holidays.

338
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:48,560
Where will your
next adventure take you?

339
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,080
To be honest, it's probably gonna be
Loughborough again next year, but...

340
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:57,160
When I'm on holiday, I love a treat.

341
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,440
That might be a trip
to something like a theme park

342
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:03,000
or eating something tasty.

343
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,520
Hello, you! Nice candy floss!

344
00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:08,000
And in my book,
the bigger the better.

345
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:09,880
In Victorian times, though,

346
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:14,480
they had teeny tiny servings
of ice cream called penny licks.

347
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:17,440
Mmm. Ugh, I dropped
my candy floss in the bin.

348
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:18,880
(GASPS) I'll go and get it.

349
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:24,600
Oh, bonus, I love toppings. Mm-hm.

350
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,960
Just when you thought the British
summertime couldn't get any better.

351
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,680
Oh, look over there.
It's the ice-cream cart.

352
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,960
Yes, it's everyone's favourite
Victorian summer treat,

353
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,040
the penny lick.

354
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,520
The refreshing instant snack
that you can share with friends.

355
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:42,320
One penny lick, please.

356
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:46,600
Our taste sensations include
lemon, strawberry, vanilla,

357
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:49,640
and the saliva and germs
of whoever had the glass last.

358
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,000
Flavour?

359
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:54,640
Uh, uh, vanilla
without the saliva and germs.

360
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:56,760
They ain't optional.
Right.

361
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,880
And how much is a penny lick?

362
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,080
Are you trying to be funny?

363
00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:02,560
The penny lick costs
you just one penny...

364
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,480
Well, yes, I suppose that is cheap.

365
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,400
..and a fairly high risk
of infection.

366
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:07,880
You do wash these glasses,
don't you?

367
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:08,960
Sometimes.

368
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:14,120
I mean, if it's been properly
licked clean, there's no need.

369
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,840
Beautifully licked clean.
You could eat your dinner off that.

370
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:22,320
I love them because the cold
gives me relief

371
00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:23,600
from the sores around my mouth.

372
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:24,800
Ah.

373
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:27,160
Pick a penny lick.
They're quick. They're thick.

374
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,680
And there's a chance
they won't make you sick.

375
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,080
One penny lick, please.
And have one yourself.

376
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:33,120
You're joking, ain't ya?

377
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:35,480
I'm not eating that.

378
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:38,080
(SNIFFS)

379
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:45,560
Madam, I present the most
thrilling new experience in Paris.

380
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,880
The first of its kind
in the whole world.

381
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,200
But it's just a wooden cart
and a tiny train track.

382
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:54,120
It is so much more than that.
I'm sure that's fine.

383
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,920
In years to come,
people will travel the world

384
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,680
and queue all day just to ride
one of these.

385
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,600
We call it Les Montagnes Russes.

386
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:04,160
Bonne chance.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

387
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,920
After those huge ice slides
that look like little mountains?

388
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:09,040
Precisely.

389
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:13,240
Of course, we don't have
much ice here in Paris.

390
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,760
That is why we use the tracks.

391
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:18,240
So we are just in a box hurtling
down a hill, very, very fast.

392
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,280
Oui! Isn't it exciting.

393
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,760
Shouldn't we wear some kind
of safety strap

394
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,840
to keep us from flying out
if it stops suddenly?

395
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:28,960
That sounds like a great idea,
but it's a bit late right now.

396
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:34,680
I'm sure the tracks will keep us
going in the right direction.

397
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,760
What happens if the wheels come off?
I guess we're about to find out.

398
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:43,600
Oh, the exhilaration, the danger.
It is so much fun.

399
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:48,120
Woohoo!
Why would anyone find danger fun?

400
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:52,520
I don't know, Madame, but the more
danger people have on this ride,

401
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:54,320
the more popular it becomes.

402
00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:58,040
I would like to get off now.
I am going to be sick.

403
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:03,560
I'm afraid there is no way to stop
the ride until we get to the bottom.

404
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:04,640
Wow.

405
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:07,080
Yeah.

406
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,480
That's if we do stop at the bottom.

407
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,800
Just because the track stops
doesn't mean we will.

408
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:18,840
Hehe. Woo!
Scream if you want to go faster.

409
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:19,880
Ah!

410
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:25,360
Let's go again.
I am going home.

411
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:26,640
Oh.

412
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:32,040
So you go on roller coasters
and eat ice creams on your holidays.

413
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:35,360
I've got no idea what
roller coasters and ice creams are.

414
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:36,720
Or holidays.

415
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:39,240
In medieval times,
we don't have anything like that.

416
00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:41,080
Well, not exactly anyway.

417
00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:44,600
More, a bit more, a bit more.
I'm trying to do it safely.

418
00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:46,520
Oh! Ow!

419
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:51,280
We're just building a medieval
church. It's hard work, innit, Dave?

420
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:54,640
Yeah, I'm shattered.
A bit like my foot.

421
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,440
(WHIMPERS)

422
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,480
But luckily building
medieval churches

423
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:00,880
does mean you get
a bit of time off now and again.

424
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,400
But can you tell me why?

425
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:03,440
Is it because:

426
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:14,680
..and pretend it's the end
of the day.

427
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:19,360
The answer is B,
we get some holy days off.

428
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,120
In fact, that's where your word
holidays comes from.

429
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:23,600
Our holy days.
Yeah.

430
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,800
Where are you going for
your holy feast tomorrow, Ted?

431
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:28,040
Church. Same as everyone else.

432
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:29,880
Well, we better finish building it,
then.

433
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,160
Ah!
You alright?

434
00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:42,040
Hey! Holiday time! I can't believe
I am going to my first thesmophoria.

435
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,480
It's going to be lovely.

436
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:49,040
The girls only festival right here
in ancient Athens,

437
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,600
celebrating the fertility
goddess Demeter.

438
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:52,640
Whoo!

439
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:55,040
You are an absolute
bottom-faced poop-for-brains

440
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:56,480
for having not gone before.

441
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,160
That's actually quite hurtful.

442
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:01,200
Oh, no, babes, that's the
pre-party bit of thesmophoria

443
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:02,880
where we all insult each other.

444
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,280
You hairy smellbag.

445
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:09,720
You have a butt like the Parthenon.
Because it's big, old and smelly.

446
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:11,440
Yay! Great thesmophoria.

447
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,480
(BOTH CHEER)

448
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:18,520
Hi, guys. Olivia, you look amazing.

449
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,760
She knows about the pigcuts, right?
What?

450
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:27,200
We sacrifice piglets, and then
we mix their guts with dough.

451
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:30,240
Hit the link for more easy,
breezy guts and dough recipes.

452
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:32,320
And then we throw them
all into a big pit.

453
00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:33,560
ALL: Yay!

454
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,840
One woman gets chosen
to be something called the bailer,

455
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,440
and they have to kind of go into
the pit and scooch around

456
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:40,040
in all of the pig gut mush,

457
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:43,720
and then they scoop it all up
and spread it on the altar.

458
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:45,080
Congratulations.

459
00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:47,960
We thought it'd be cool
if you were the bailer this year.

460
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,840
You're so lucky, Olympia.
Hashtag blessed.

461
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:56,240
Can you believe you got to be bailer
at your first thesmophoria?

462
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:57,400
Honestly can't.

463
00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,160
Thesmophoria gift time.

464
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,760
(SQUEALS LIKE A PIG)

465
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:03,760
Click below to buy our very own
terracotta piggy collection.

466
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:05,040
Perfect for you and your friends.

467
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,520
You know, sometimes you
just give each other the gifts

468
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:09,320
instead of bothering
with all the bailer

469
00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:12,000
and somebody snooping around
and all the pig mush stuff.

470
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:16,040
Wait, what? So the gunk smooshing,
that was all optional?

471
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:19,800
You butt-brained, boneheaded
baboon-bottomed bores.

472
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:20,840
Awkward.

473
00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:24,160
Actually, the insults
are at the start of the festival.

474
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,720
That was actually quite hurtful.

475
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,280
Quick, don't forget to like
and subscribe.

476
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:34,200
Pig guts? Now that sounds like
my kind of festival.

477
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:35,920
Is it all you can eat?

478
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:40,160
(STOMACH RUMBLES)
That's made me hungry now.

479
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:43,640
Still, nothing beats
my favourite kind of holiday.

480
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:46,560
I do like to be beside the seaside,

481
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:48,840
and we've got Queen Victoria
to thank

482
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:51,280
for helping make seaside holidays
popular.

483
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:54,560
But it was people like holiday camp
pioneer Billy Butlin,

484
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:57,040
who really changed things.

485
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:58,080
Thanks to him,

486
00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:03,360
seaside breaks became more affordable
for everyone from queens to rats.

487
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,480
Happy holidays.

488
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:10,080
Yeah!

489
00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:11,200
Ah!

490
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:12,640


491
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:16,840

where one would go

492
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:20,800

Yeah, this water's so cold

493
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:24,680

to make your gout go

494
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:25,720


495
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:31,320

It's cool to be by the sea

496
00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:35,480

And to take all my family

497
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:36,880


498
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,400

But it can't see me

499
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:43,280

a staycation by the sea

500
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:49,000

while the kids are bucket and spading

501
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:50,040


502
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,080

We're paddling and wading

503
00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:55,720


504
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:59,400

Break by the ocean

505
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,560

(DONKEY BRAYS)

506
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,880

Oh, yeah

507
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:09,240


508
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:11,520


509
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:19,400

Break by the ocean

510
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:24,840

like to be B-side

511
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,280


512
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:31,720

a holiday with entertainment

513
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:34,520


514
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:39,960

My holiday camp by the sea

515
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:43,960

'cause I named it after me

516
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:47,200

to make my campers all happy

517
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:51,960

obviously for a fee

518
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:57,520

or a knobbly knee contests, maybe

519
00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:58,560


520
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,680

and their babies

521
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:08,240

Break by the ocean

522
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:12,240



523
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:16,320

it became a cool place to be

524
00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:20,080

And it's all thanks to him and me

525
00:27:20,120 --> 00:27:23,840

Break by the ocean.

526
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,520
Shall we all go and get
fish and chips?

527
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:28,920
ALL: Yeah!

528
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:34,800


529
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:38,000
Should we all go
and get fish and chi-

530
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:39,240
(ALL LAUGH)

531
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,280
Captions by Red Bee Media

532
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,320
Copyright Australian
Broadcasting Corporation

533
00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:46,160


534
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:51,240

Horrible Histories.